five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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