You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize