I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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