From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
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Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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