Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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