Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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