I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize