First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize