Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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