You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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