my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
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Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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