That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You're like the curious george of whores
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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