Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Randomize