Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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