i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize