if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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