And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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