the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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