i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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