We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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