he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize