You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize