I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize