a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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