Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize