You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
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I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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