In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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