Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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