I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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