1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize