I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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