Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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