a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize