wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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