Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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