He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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