I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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