I feel great
I just peed on a car
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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