I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize