Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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