We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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