i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
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she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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