And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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