Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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