I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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