you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
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