I wish I could teleport
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize