I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
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just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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