you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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