My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize